1. Romantic weekends away will never be a thing. Because we don't get weekends, unless you count the occasional consecutive Monday and Tuesday off.
2. We will pay for most things in cash. We're not tax-evading builders, promise. We just live off our tips. It does get a little awkward when we're down to our last pennies and have to start emptying out bags of shrapnel everywhere we go though
3. There's no point trying to plan dates in advance. Because everyone knows our schedules only come out about 12 hours before the shifts start.
4. We will get hit on at work. A lot. And it's uncomfortable, but we can't help it that unwelcome flirty "banter" just doesn't come with the territory of your office job.
5. We're not morning people. Unless awoken with a bacon sandwich and a steaming hot coffee, thank you.
6. We'll probably need keys to your apartment sooner rather than later. Unless you like being woken up to come down and let us in after work at 2 a.m. …
7. We're still intelligent, you know. Just because we're not currently using the degree we may or may not have shed blood, sweat, and tears for doesn't mean we're not as smart as everyone else.
8. We're a joy to go to the bar with. Once we get all our complaints out of the way, that is. Just let us have our say about this bar's incorrect glass-polishing technique and how they're doing their beer-to-head ratio all wrong. Then we're an absolute blast!
9. We wear a lot of black. No, we're not professional funeral-goers; it's called a uniform.
10. Winter is our favorite season. Because winter contains the shortest days and therefore the least sunlight that we are missing out on by either being at work, exhausted from work, or hungover from work.
11. We like to eat chips with everything. We work split shifts in a bar. It's literally built into our psyche to order a side of chips with every staff meal just so we won't feel famished with three hours of our shift still to go. Which is why, yes, we will have some chips on the side with that risotto, thanks.
12. You will grow to love our natural musky scent of stale beer and tequila. All the more reason to splurge on perfume for us though, right?
13. We're low-maintenance. When it comes to ordering cocktails, we are, anyway. Like we'd dream of ordering a mojito when we know what a pain it is to concoct.
14. We have great stories. Bars really are a window to the world's soul. The world's stupid, drunken, emotional soul. And we've seen it all.
15. We're good listeners. In fact, why talk ourselves down? We're practically therapists after having listened to Jim the regular bang on about his involuntary redundancy for the last six months.
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